Talk Less, Say More: Three Habits to Influence Others and Make Things Happen: Dieken, Connie: 9780470500866: Books



How to make your points - message came across in our overloaded - headline society


Customers are everywhere .. more accessible than ever , .but still selling is harder than ever

we’ve become a shortcut society. too much noise makes harder than ever getting anyone's attention even more to get a response- In the opt-in world people can quickly consent to have contact with us. However, if we annoy them or subsequently don’t appeal to them, they can drop us just as quickly.

Nobody pays attention to generic messages ..We have to win people over in a hurry before their attention spans shrinks

we must connect smartly;

1- Relate to What They Want & Value So They’ll Tune In

2.-People need shortcuts to process and understand it all. ..we need to CLICK ¡ to our customers brain .Give then One piece of information at a time


we aim to improve the one metric that matters.. BE RELEVANT


  • HABIT 1: CONNECT: Give People What They Want & Value So They’ll Tune In
    • Tactic #1: Focus on the needs of the people with whom we’re communicating.We need to manage our own attention in order to win other people’s interest
      • Show respect.
      • Don’t race ahead. Take time for them to digest.
      • Aim for the heart, not the head. Concentrate on people’s feelings first.
      • Don’t be a drifter. Stick to the subject.
      • Focus on people, not electronics. Put away the Blackberry and iPhone.
      • Watch for eye movement. If people raise their eyebrows or their eyes dart nervously, it’s a clear signal that we’ve touched a nerve.
      • Observe their lips. The lips are among the most emotional parts of the body. Drooping or pursed lips are usually an unvoiced sign of disappointment or disagreement.
    • Tactic #2: Listen for Intent: What people say is often not what they mean.
      • Listen for repetition. It’s normally the key issues that are repeated.
      • Take note of emphasis. This can identify priorities and quick wins.
      • Ensure clarity and gain respect by saying, “Let me see if I’ve got this right. Are you saying . . . ?”
      • Don’t be hijacked in meetings. Sometimes the concerns of a single individual can irritate everyone else in the group.
    • Tactic #3: Avoid Code Red. Many of us create our own personal Code Red situations during important communications that prevent us from connecting effectively.the antidote to losing control is to focus outwardly on our audience instead of focusing inwardly on our own needs and nuances
      • Follow the law of inverse proportions. The more inflammatory the question, the more calmly our answer should be delivered. Self-correct. If we make a mistake, we should acknowledge our error and correct it on the spot
      • Make midcourse changes. When we pick up on clues that our audience is upset or tuning out, we need to stay flexible and adapt.
      • Don’t get caught up in the “I have the floor” game. The goal is to initiate dialogue — not to launch into a lecture others could interpret as a diatribe.
  • HABIT 2: CONVEY: Use Portion Control to Get Our Points Across with Clarity, not Confusion.
    • Tactic #1: Use the Dominant Sense. Vision is the most dominant human sense.
    • Tactic #2: Use Social Media.In the opt-in world people can quickly consent to have contact with us. However, if we annoy them or subsequently don’t appeal to them, they can drop us just as quickly.
    • Tactic #3: Talk in Triplets. More familiar and easier to remember
  • HABIT 3: CONVINCE: Create Commitment to Influence Decisions, Actions and Results.
  • this part is more "communications" style ,for me not so original but still quite useful

  • Tactic #1: Sound decisive.
  • Tactic #2: Stop Tagging and hedging.
  • Tactic #3: Contribute to meetings.Don’t be invisible. ( that could also relate to social media)
  • Tactic #4: Create commitment, not compliance. By Transferring ownership, Self-discovery and Use peer pressure. Dieken suggests that by transferring ownership we shift our ideas and decisions to others so they will embrace them and act on them. The Self-discovery was not clear to me how. the last one Use peer pressure by seeking commitment from key influencers.

In conclusion

Is a well thought book , with clear actionable points that makes sense and totally support the concept of

1- connect or tune in by relating to something your prospects did online

2- make your point in incremental steps - portion control

3- scale it with technology ( that was not in the book ;-) but the point about social media and our ability to get things done at speed requires technology